SUPER-EXTRA

When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. - 1 Corinthians 13:11

A proverb almost as old as the beginning of time and yet it is more meaningful today than ever before. What is a man? What is a man’s role? Questions that were once easily defined are becoming harder to answer. Today you have men who raise their children while the woman works full time. Some women are mechanics. Some men are nurses. Women who make more money than the man in the household. So many men and women are confused by what defines a man or a woman today. I cannot speak for women. I’ll let some of you out there explain that one.

For men, the definition has not changed only the perception. Unfortunately, boys cannot read a book on what a man is. If you type ‘man’ in GOOGLE you will pull up over a million entries but none of them will give you a clear meaning. I was taught by example. My father was the only man I feared. The only man who earned all of my respect. Still, he didn’t tell me how to become a man. We did not sit at the table and discuss what a man was. Instead, I watched him. I watched him for 18 years.

As a child, I had matchbox cars. I played with my matchbox cars all day. Around 7pm. I would get excited because I knew my parents was about to come through the door. I never wondered if he was coming home at night. I never had to hope he would come this time. I never wondered who the strange man was coming through the door. It was always my dad 5 days out the week right on time. On the weekends, he was there. I never woke up and not see him for several days. He was always there or on his way home. As I got older, I watched him some more. I watched how he was around other people. He was intelligent. People tended to listen when he talked. He was blunt, honest, but never degrading. I use to sit in the room and listen as cousins, aunts, and even some of my uncles would come and sit at our table to get some of his advice. He always sat at the head of the table. Most of the time he had his mayonnaise jar of ice water and would proceed to solve their issue right at the dinner table. I remember going with him places and he would just talk to anyone. The cashier, the lady in the cleaners, the lady in the Popeye’s. We would go some places and they would recognize him as if he was a part of their family. He was very social and very smart. He showed me his paycheck only once. Not to brag about how much he makes but to emphasize that the house we live in and the food we eat and the cars that are in the driveway was paid for by hard work. Not by magic. He works everyday long hours to provide for us. He wanted me to know the value of money.

There was other stuff I noticed as I watched him. I watched how he held the door for my mother all the time. I watched how he always entered the door first when we came home to a dark empty house. I watched as he held my mom real tight in the kitchen, in the basement, or working in the yard outside. I started to notice how he talked to my mother. They never cussed each other out. He never got into a fight with her. Even when they disagreed, they talked about it. My father said his peace, my mother said her peace. At the end of the night, it was my father’s decision either way. He was the man of the house. He made the decisions and took responsibility for them. He earned the right. He was a loving father. A good provider. He loved his wife and his kids. He went to work and came home at a decent hour. I didn’t realize how much I noticed. I had no idea he was instilling in me values and morals that I would carry with me to this day. When I was a child, I spoke as a child; I understood as a child, I thought as a child.

Now, I take responsibility for my family. I love my nephew like he’s mine. Treat my mother like the Queen she is. Exceed in the 9-5 rat race until it pays for me to get out of it. And attempt to constantly grow mentally, emotionally, and financially to be a better man. In my opinion a man is not defined by his age, number of kids, or women he’s had. A man is defined by his character, morals, and outlook on life. A man is not just defined by who he is but the kind of man he is striving to become in the future. I put my matchbox cars away a long time ago.

Perfect vision is 20/20. That is what we have been taught. That is the standard opticians have defined for us as the ability to see everything clearly. Much like religion, this definition limits a persons understanding of the world around them. My vision is called Discernment. I never knew it had a word. I knew I could sense things. I knew I could hear someone’s voice and know half their life story. I knew I could see through someone anger and detect the sadness. I could see through the coldness and feel their insecurity. I could hear the hesitation in their speech. I could hear inflections in their voice in an attempt to hide their vulnerability. I could see hurt or deceit in their eyes. I could hear pain in their voices. I could sense sadness or anger when I held someone. I could feel evil by standing next to someone. It was everyday life for me. I was talking to my friend one day. I described what I felt in different situations with people. “Oh, that’s Discernment. We all have gifts. You have the gift of Discernment”. She defined in one word everything I had experienced my entire life. I never thought about it as being a gift. It was all I ever knew. It comes just as natural to me as walking down the street or talking on the phone. A gift from God?

Our conversation is the latest proof I am on a journey. The destination still unknown. But I realize I have always been on this path. I’m slowly realizing my choices are not my own. They never have been. So many times I should have been shot. Many times I could have been beaten up. Many times I put my life in jeopardy acting stupid. Many times I went to sleep a knucklehead and woke back up on this path. It’s scary to know I’ve been chosen. It’s humbling to know I’m here for a reason. Something is in store for me and I’m the last one to know. A control freak foolishly thinking I control my actions and determine the outcome. I was so conceited. So naïve. A gift that I was born with and too ignorant to know it was special. I always have been different. I never thought like anyone else. I never carried myself like my peers. I was always the one they shook their head at. “That’s some wild sh**, D!” My thoughts were different. My understanding was different. My life, my journey. Predetermined from conception. The more I stop running away and start walking towards him the more he meets me half-way. The more I walk, the more I begin to see and understand the world around me. The gift of Discernment. I can close my eyes and see through you. God Bless.

I blew my back out on Sunday. I called and told my job I will not be in due to my injury. I made a couple of other calls. I knew the jokes would follow and I was not disappointed. “She was good to you huh, man”. Another person said: “I told you about dancing crazy”. I picked her up off her feet on the dance floor one time. She never forgot it.  I called my mother and told her I would not make it today because of my back. After that, I hobbled to my bed and laid flat on my back. Staring at the ceiling, I asked… “Ok, god, you got my attention.” I wasn’t mad because I wasn’t going to complete what I had planned to do that day. I wasn’t shedding a tear cause of the pain. Instead, I used this time to catch up with her (God). She’s been trying to talk to me for years and I’ve ignored her. She dropped so many little hints but I was to busy to notice. We had a good conversation. I let her say her peace. She was right. I couldn’t disagree or argue with anything she said. I simply responded, “You right, I don’t want to fight no more”.

What are you ignoring? Is your body saying you need to rest but you “have too much to do”? Is your mind racing about what you should be doing? Are you too busy trying to impress those who do not really care about you in the long run? Do you even know what is really going on with you? Stop for a moment and just listen. More importantly, be honest with yourself. If you not happy, take time out and figure out why. If your life is in turmoil then take time to figure out why. But it’s not enough to acknowledge why. You then have to accept the reason and take action. Only when you are honest with yourself can you begin to heal.

After two days of no relief, I walked into the chiropractor’s office. While lying on the chiropractor’s chair, she kept asking…”Have you ever had pain in your back before? “Did anything ever happen regarding your back?” I said “no” several times before it finally dawned on me. For years, I’ve noticed very small pains in my back. It would feel a little stiff in the morning, but it would only last for about 10 minutes. I was helping my brother lift an outdoor furniture set into my truck a couple of years ago and I lost all my strength. I thought it was odd, but didn’t think about it again after that day. Throughout the years there have been more signs that something was wrong with my back, but I never took time to find out what the problem was. All of a sudden, lying on my back, staring at the ceiling, I had plenty of time. Don’t wait till you’re on your back. Don’t wait till you’re too old. Don’t wait for someone to love you. Don’t wait to be accepted by superficial people. Stop and listen. Then do something about it.