When I was a Child
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. - 1 Corinthians 13:11
A proverb almost as old as the beginning of time and yet it is more meaningful today than ever before. What is a man? What is a man’s role? Questions that were once easily defined are becoming harder to answer. Today you have men who raise their children while the woman works full time. Some women are mechanics. Some men are nurses. Women who make more money than the man in the household. So many men and women are confused by what defines a man or a woman today. I cannot speak for women. I’ll let some of you out there explain that one.
For men, the definition has not changed only the perception. Unfortunately, boys cannot read a book on what a man is. If you type ‘man’ in GOOGLE you will pull up over a million entries but none of them will give you a clear meaning. I was taught by example. My father was the only man I feared. The only man who earned all of my respect. Still, he didn’t tell me how to become a man. We did not sit at the table and discuss what a man was. Instead, I watched him. I watched him for 18 years.
As a child, I had matchbox cars. I played with my matchbox cars all day. Around 7pm. I would get excited because I knew my parents was about to come through the door. I never wondered if he was coming home at night. I never had to hope he would come this time. I never wondered who the strange man was coming through the door. It was always my dad 5 days out the week right on time. On the weekends, he was there. I never woke up and not see him for several days. He was always there or on his way home. As I got older, I watched him some more. I watched how he was around other people. He was intelligent. People tended to listen when he talked. He was blunt, honest, but never degrading. I use to sit in the room and listen as cousins, aunts, and even some of my uncles would come and sit at our table to get some of his advice. He always sat at the head of the table. Most of the time he had his mayonnaise jar of ice water and would proceed to solve their issue right at the dinner table. I remember going with him places and he would just talk to anyone. The cashier, the lady in the cleaners, the lady in the Popeye’s. We would go some places and they would recognize him as if he was a part of their family. He was very social and very smart. He showed me his paycheck only once. Not to brag about how much he makes but to emphasize that the house we live in and the food we eat and the cars that are in the driveway was paid for by hard work. Not by magic. He works everyday long hours to provide for us. He wanted me to know the value of money.
There was other stuff I noticed as I watched him. I watched how he held the door for my mother all the time. I watched how he always entered the door first when we came home to a dark empty house. I watched as he held my mom real tight in the kitchen, in the basement, or working in the yard outside. I started to notice how he talked to my mother. They never cussed each other out. He never got into a fight with her. Even when they disagreed, they talked about it. My father said his peace, my mother said her peace. At the end of the night, it was my father’s decision either way. He was the man of the house. He made the decisions and took responsibility for them. He earned the right. He was a loving father. A good provider. He loved his wife and his kids. He went to work and came home at a decent hour. I didn’t realize how much I noticed. I had no idea he was instilling in me values and morals that I would carry with me to this day. When I was a child, I spoke as a child; I understood as a child, I thought as a child.
Now, I take responsibility for my family. I love my nephew like he’s mine. Treat my mother like the Queen she is. Exceed in the 9-5 rat race until it pays for me to get out of it. And attempt to constantly grow mentally, emotionally, and financially to be a better man. In my opinion a man is not defined by his age, number of kids, or women he’s had. A man is defined by his character, morals, and outlook on life. A man is not just defined by who he is but the kind of man he is striving to become in the future. I put my matchbox cars away a long time ago.