SUPER-EXTRA

I hold love and she pulls me close and exhales. She relaxes in my arms. For a short period of time she is at peace. Then we part ways. Out of my arms, away from my reach, Love emotionally pushes me away again. She puts her guard back up. She is able to repair the wall she put up against the world. Love calls me. She tells me how hurt she has been in her past. She tells me she’s not ready for anything. Love is so scared she makes up reasons for me to walk away. She tells me I should date other people. She hints that maybe we’re just meant for a season and not a lifetime. I think a small part of her wishes I would walk away so she can return to her cold emotionless routine. She…..disappears sometimes. She goes back into her lonely cold world where she is not happy, but she is safe. Safe from being hurt again. Safe from being disappointed. Safe from me and the unknown. I’ve gotten too close. I have potential. I’m knocking on her walls and they are starting to come down brick by brick. Walls put up to protect her from hurting again. Walls established to allow her to function after the end of her last relationship. Poor Love…scared, confused, lonely, and vulnerable behind a wall created from scars and scabs of her past.

Perfect vision is 20/20. That is what we have been taught. That is the standard opticians have defined for us as the ability to see everything clearly. Much like religion, this definition limits a persons understanding of the world around them. My vision is called Discernment. I never knew it had a word. I knew I could sense things. I knew I could hear someone’s voice and know half their life story. I knew I could see through someone anger and detect the sadness. I could see through the coldness and feel their insecurity. I could hear the hesitation in their speech. I could hear inflections in their voice in an attempt to hide their vulnerability. I could see hurt or deceit in their eyes. I could hear pain in their voices. I could sense sadness or anger when I held someone. I could feel evil by standing next to someone. It was everyday life for me. I was talking to my friend one day. I described what I felt in different situations with people. “Oh, that’s Discernment. We all have gifts. You have the gift of Discernment”. She defined in one word everything I had experienced my entire life. I never thought about it as being a gift. It was all I ever knew. It comes just as natural to me as walking down the street or talking on the phone. A gift from God?

Our conversation is the latest proof I am on a journey. The destination still unknown. But I realize I have always been on this path. I’m slowly realizing my choices are not my own. They never have been. So many times I should have been shot. Many times I could have been beaten up. Many times I put my life in jeopardy acting stupid. Many times I went to sleep a knucklehead and woke back up on this path. It’s scary to know I’ve been chosen. It’s humbling to know I’m here for a reason. Something is in store for me and I’m the last one to know. A control freak foolishly thinking I control my actions and determine the outcome. I was so conceited. So naïve. A gift that I was born with and too ignorant to know it was special. I always have been different. I never thought like anyone else. I never carried myself like my peers. I was always the one they shook their head at. “That’s some wild sh**, D!” My thoughts were different. My understanding was different. My life, my journey. Predetermined from conception. The more I stop running away and start walking towards him the more he meets me half-way. The more I walk, the more I begin to see and understand the world around me. The gift of Discernment. I can close my eyes and see through you. God Bless.

When you don’t use your wings eventually you forget you can fly. Eventually you believe gravity is a part of life. Buildings and trees appear to be so tall. You begin to walk among the average and take comfort among people who also choose this life. It becomes easier to be an underachiever. Majority rules so if you hang around enough people who are average, you too will belong and people will accept you. Or even better, people who are less than average will look up to you because you have a job or a car.

But today is a new day. Congratulations! God once again has blessed you with hind site in order for you to move forward. Last year was a wonderful year. You did not miss one day. God opened your eyes everyday. This is a very exciting time. You can reflect back, be grateful for your blessings, and prepare for the future. Happy anniversary! You must be very excited! You have so much to contribute! You have a beautiful mind. Don’t be selfish! Use your talents, knowledge, generosity…whatever you have been blessed with and reach out to someone. Spread your wings and realize your potential. See you at the top.

His spirit broken by financial fears, German billionaire Adolf Merckle took his own life this week. Merckle, a respected businessman with a wife and four children, jumped in front of a train in the town of Blaubeuren in southwestern Germany, officials said Tuesday. Authorities said he left a suicide note, but gave no details. Merckle’s death appears to be at least the third comparable suicide in less than four months.–Copyright 2008 The Associated Press.

Another billionaire who lost millions and decided to take his life. Money makes the world go around but at what cost? He must have lost a lot to take his life. But his wife lost a husband. His kids lost their father. They must live the rest of their lives with the memory of their father throwing himself in front of a train. Which is more tragic?

Someone said a blog is suppose to have misspelled words and broken language and generally bad grammar. I agree if you never plan on sharing your blog with anyone else. I decided I want to share my blog. I want to share my thoughts. Maybe someone can learn from them. Maybe someone can give some insight and positively influence me or visitors to the site.  My message or idea is not good if the reader cannot comprehend it. The job of a writer is to convey a message that the reader can comprehend. A common language is needed to convey my message to the reader. Good grammar is necessary in order to get my message across. I want people to understand my thoughts exactly how they are, not necessarily how I would say it in person. The reader is priority. The message is no good if the reader does not get the message. This is the difference between a ‘personal’ and a ‘public’ blog. The writer of a personal blog writes for themselves. The writer of a public blog writes for the reader. The thoughts maybe the same, but the message must be delivered with the reader in mind in a public blog. Otherwise, the purpose of a public blog is defeated.